Until I started this journey with God I didn’t really see the good in the things that I’d survived. I went through things (i.e. heartbreak, childhood drama, betrayal, etc.) that affected me for a while. Made decisions that had a direct effect on my life and the choices I made.
I put up major walls, which I learned were tricky because yes, they keep bad things out, but they also keep good things out too. I was blocking my own happiness because I was so scared of putting myself in another position of being hurt. Vulnerability is uncomfortable which is why surrender was so hard for me because remnants from the past still live with me.
Regardless of my anger or how things made me feel I didn’t want to be the kind of person that could afflict people’s lives without a second thought – at least that’s what it felt like to me. I didn’t want the circumstances to make me bitter.
I survived.
And my survival taught me to believe actions first and words second. I learned how to parent with love and not out of fear or misunderstandings. I learned that my feelings should only be released in places where I feel safe. Most importantly, I understood that hurt people hurt people.
I don’t think those lessons learned would’ve been possible had they not inflicted my life. Sure, some of those lessons had to be repeated, I had to do some forgiving and some letting go. I was angry, but I didn’t allow those things to make me bitter. It changed my perspective on life afflictions. All of the things that I considered bad in my life actually worked out for me, making me a better person because of the experience.
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