My Ego Has Notes

I’m still working on obedience in my relationship with God, and I’m pretty sure I’ll never stop saying those words.

I’m learning that obeying God means breaking all of my ego trips and proudish tendencies. I can’t say I don’t feel some type of way about this obedience thing because I absolutely do. But I guess I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t.

It feels a lot like my surrendering process and… ugh.

Exiling what I had in mind for my life in exchange for God’s plan is extremely humbling, but necessary for my well-being. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t come all this way just to quit. I mean, I’m still me, and my faith does have to be strengthened like a muscle, but… ugh.

However, this is a relationship.

With that said, I have to do my part by being obedient to what He asks me to do. The “ugh” is my ego battling the truth of not being in control. Not being able to do what I want, how I want, and with whom I want. Pure first-world problem, but thankfully God isn’t petty, even though He knows I definitely can be.

It’s a transitional period.

My perspective is clear. I know it’s in my best interest to be obedient, but the human in me wants to gain some of that control back or manipulate things so I can still do me and be fakely obedient.

Saying it out loud sounds completely ridiculous, but that’s exactly what my feelings are giving.

This must be what they mean when they say, “the flesh is weak.”

But as I said earlier, I’m still me.

So I’m going forward.