Oh my goodness I almost gave up y’all no bullshit!
I’ve endured a lot of things, both good and bad and I endured those things victoriously if I learned something – I mean, sometimes I repeat some shit, however I never thought I would be ready to give up though.
Join me on the rollercoaster of sarcasm when I say that the last few months have been filled with just so much positivity that mentally it took me places I’ve never been before. That foolishness I said I would never do started playing an active role in my thoughts and craziness started to make sense to the point that I could understand ‘the why’ – consequences not included of course.
However all of this stemmed from me allowing negativity to drive me, and then I left the door open for it to continue so much that I felt heavier than Bonnie Grape. After I finished digesting the bullshit I felt ugly, I felt stupid, I felt like no one loved me, I felt judged, I felt insecure, I felt lost, and I was covered in “give a fuck for what”. Literally I felt paralyzed and didn’t feel like I could ask Jesus to take the wheel, but he did.
The introvert in me would not have told a soul what I just said, but I can’t be that person that goes through things like this and not try to help somebody else – that’s bullshit. I didn’t do anything awesome for things to change for me, nor did I read a book by some world renowned author. I just went through it until my change came, meaning I knew what I was feeling wasn’t who I was as a person, and I knew I wasn’t a quitter, but I had to make some hard decisions about what I allowed into my life and remain firm on those decisions because apparently the superwoman-hold that I thought I had on things was a façade, otherwise the negativity wouldn’t have took me where it did.
So for whoever needed to read this today, I encourage you to never forget who you are, embrace the hell out of yourself. Damn who don’t understand it, because they don’t walk in your shoes, and if you’re not you, who in the hell else is going to do it? People like Joi need you, we need your input, and we need your perspective on things because you look at things differently from how the rest of us see things. You are important, and all of the positives things that you add to this world is important regardless if you see the difference or not, somebody needs your added value. Our differences are magnets to innovation and before I end this post I want to remind you of something that I forgot while going through my low period. Anytime your eyes are set on the prize and you’re driving and striving to do better, and to be the best person you can be expect to be tested – hell look for it. Because the truth is, every test is a stepping stone closer to your goal, but how you pass that test, meaning all the foolishness you have to encounter to get there are your blueprints for how to walk and live in those things you look to achieve.